Instructing our Sons – Proverbs 31
Every mother, every wife has heard it. My husband and I have talked about it, used it as a ‘score card’ on how I’m doing and what areas I need to work on. But for some reason, the first two verses have never clicked for me.
Proverbs 31:1-2
The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him.
O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows,
This seems to have blown my mind and made me completely rethink how I look at these verses.
Firstly, it was written by a woman. This changes my perspective on the verses regarding being a ‘good wife,’ in that it’s not a checklist that some man made. It’s from a woman’s point of view. A woman who believes in the strength of other women. In their independence and their business prowess.
Somehow this fact seems to instil more faith in myself. That another woman, a mother, recognised these traits as favourable, and as achievable albeit rare.
Secondly, this passage was never written as instructions to women. Quite the opposite. I don’t see how I’ve never seen this before. It’s not instructions for mums, it’s instructions for sons! Instead of a manual as to how we should be living as mothers, it’s an example of how we are to instruct our boys. I think that is priceless. And to be honest, if I’m instructing my son on what to look for in a woman, then I’m going to make the standard extremely high.
Let’s have a look at what she touches on in this chapter.
Women
Proverbs 31:3
Do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings.
The very first cab off the ranks is women. It’s obviously something that young men struggle with and it can lead them down unexpected and unpleasant paths.
Alcohol
Proverbs 31:4-7
It is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine.
Rulers should not crave alcohol.
For if they drink, they may forget the law
and not give justice to the oppressed.
Alcohol is for the dying
and wine for those in bitter distress.
Let them drink to forget their poverty
and remember their troubles no more.
Second thing she addresses is another major aspect that young men can get carried away with. Alcohol. Not just drinking, but guzzling wine and craving alcohol. That sounds to me like more than the occasional wine.
It is the way this mother warns her son about alcohol that strikes me. She doesn’t give a flat out rule without giving reason. She doesn’t imply a lack of trust. She does quite the opposite. She builds him up as a leader. She expresses to him that she thinks he is excellent, and because he is excellent that he doesn’t need alcohol. Not only is he enough without it, but he will actually be worse as a leader with it in his system.
She also points out the impact that will have on his behaviour, forgetting the law and bringing justice.
Seeking Justice
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves;
ensure justice for those being crushed.
Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless,
and see that they get justice.
I think that this is such a huge part of manhood that seems to be getting looked over in the present day. If there is one thing that I have prayed over my boys, it is that they would be both gentle and strong, and that they would have a heart for justice. This mum talks about it with her son. She talks to him about standing up for others and ensuring that they get justice. Once again, she encourages him to be a leader.
Finding a Wife
Proverbs 31:10-29
I love that this mum puts a focus on preparing her son for his future wife. She takes an active role in teaching him and forming his world views. And she lists off the standard that this young man should be striving for.
She finishes her poem with the punch line. That charm and beauty may be what every other man is looking for in a woman, but find a woman who loves and fears God, and she will be the keeper.
Proverbs 31:30-31
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
And to finish up, she instructs her son to reward and praise his wife. She is teaching him well in advance how to lovingly treat his wife.
Proverbs 31:31
Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
I love all of the things that this has exposed to me about talking with and teaching my son, not only on what topics to cover, women, being a leader, alcohol, choosing his future wife and seeking justice, but also how to teach them. She uses techniques such as talking in a positive light, expressing trust and with gentleness. What an example on how to instruct our sons!
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