perfectly orchestrated

I’m sitting here in a room FULL of girls, listening to a lecture on the postnatal period of pregnancy. I’m bored out of my brain (That’s why I’m writing obviously), but it’s just because I’ve been sitting on the floor for two and a half hours.

The irony of this hit me this morning and I nearly laughed out loud. That me, of all people, am sitting here. In this room. With all of these women. Now if you knew me, you would understand why this is so ironic. My friendships tend, very strongly, to be with guys. I have almost an awkwardness around females, and yet here I am. In a profession which is not only dominated by women, but works with women. God has a plan that is so much beyond my mind.

To be honest this is not the path that I would have chosen for myself. It is not the path that I set out upon. Engineering sounded great to me. Missions sounded great. Health care was for women. And me, naturally being not quite woman, didn’t really count. A good friend commented when I started doing engineering that I was being ridiculous. “That’s not who you are! It’s not going to work.” I dismissed him. But he was SOO right. He knew me better than I was willing to admit at the time. That my heart loves. My heart cares. And engineering was just not going to satisfy that “Change the World” that every fibre of me cries out.

The last three years have shocked me in every way. I never expected to be married. It was a shock! I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. It was a short engagement, and one that I wasn’t expecting for a long time. Rosy’s death acted as a catalyst. We needed security. Our thinking was, it’s going to be forever, so what is the difference between getting married now and in five years. Without Rosy’s death, we probably would not have gotten married. And while I’m being deadly honest, if we hadn’t gotten married then, we may not be together forever at all. Yet God had a plan in it. I always felt I was walking in God’s path, even though it was so wildly different to mine. Tim and I complement each other, but getting married that young was a shock.

Then along came Nathan. And that was a shock. I remember the first day I found out I was pregnant, going to uni and sobbing. It’s not that I didn’t want him. Our very first emotions were excitement and love. But the realisation came that EVERYTHING had changed. Our lives would be different forever. That my plan was no longer possible. My plans had been thrown out the window. I dropped out of uni. I battled severe depression. If it had not been for Nathan rocking up right when he did, I would be in my third year of engineering. But I’m not, I’m in Midwifery and I love it. The depression was so difficult, but I can look at it now, and it’s almost like a light bulb moment.

I would not be where I am right now without all of those things. Pushing me, guiding me. Tools God used to shape and direct me. And the end result will be the same as that which I have envisioned for years, but the journey has been different. There are some days when I wonder where I would be if different things had happened, or different choices had been made. But this is my life. I’m only 20 years old, yet I have phenomenal life experience. And a crazy love for God, that has never wavered. I have a husband who is walking down the same road beside me, with the same heart and the same dreams. I have the start of a family that I adore. I have a future, a wildly exciting future. And a life that has been beautifully orchestrated. I’m happy.