My patience and peace

Tonight is one of those nights when I want to throw myself a pity party and dwell on how being a full time mother is the hardest and loneliest job in the world. It’s the end of a very long and horrible day, a rare day of torture. I’ve reached the end of it utterly exhausted, frazzled, disappointed with myself and feeling like I’m going to fall apart. I’ve just got nothing left to give.

It was a day that gave me the opportunity to test my patience, my graciousness, my ability to bring peace to the situations around me. They were tests I failed.

Instead of looking at how everyone else should have helped me out more today, I sit here and realise that I should be on my knees, crying out for the mercy that I didn’t show my children today. In the morning I have some very heartfelt apologies to make to my very small children. I was not the face of Jesus today.
Yes, it was hard. Being a mum is hard. But Jesus shining through me gives me strength.

Yes, today I failed. But God is patient, He is full of grace. Those very things which He is trying to teach me are my saving grace on days like today.

Days where the kids and I react to each other and things escalate until I’m left feeling ashamed.

So tonight, dear God, I ask for your forgiveness. I am human, and I have sinned against you, my children andy husband today. Today, I was not holy. I am so grateful that you see me in my imperfect state and still accept and love me. I am so thankful that you have trusted me with these three souls, that you believe in me that much.

And Lord, I thank you for second, and third, and forty seventh chances. The next time a day like this comes along, a day of mammoth emotions and circumstances, I pray I walk into it with your strength. I pray I bring peace and patience. I pray your sweetness is what I recall at the end of that day. I love you. Your grace is amazing.