crossroads

Life is just a road full of intersection after intersection, and every time we choose to go straight or veer left or right, we are forever changing the destination and the journey. Unfortunately, these roads are poorly signposted.

Some decisions I can look back on and clearly see as the right thing to do. Moving back to QLD was something my heart needed. Others I still don’t understand. I still don’t get why God wanted me to go to Taiwan, even though I am certain that He did, and I will probably never know.

But right now, there are a whole lot of intersections coming up. Obviously, little squirrel is a change that we have strongly desired, pretty much since Nathan was born. This is a much loved and wanted baby, but that in itself brings more crossroads.

Taking my study to part time or ceasing it altogether? I’ve thrown the idea around of going to bible college, which is something that my heart has always desired. It’s one of those things that I know I will do one day, it’s just a matter of timing. I would love to focus on just being a mummy, but I really want to keep up the theory part of uni as well. It’s something that I do for myself, and so wanting to do it does feel a little bit selfish.

I’d love to just pick up and go somewhere foreign. Somewhere exotic and exciting. But that’s just a personal desire of mine, and my never ending love for change and adventure. Although it is a God given part of me, it’s not God’s call for us just yet.

I went with Tim to a police recruiting day this afternoon, which is something that has always been on the cards. As Tim says though, it is almost like, if we pick one, we leave the other. It’s like there are two toys being held out to us, and we have to choose. The police force or missions.

We do have plenty of time. We are very young and there are decades left in us. But I never pictured us doing missions when our kids had left home. I always saw our family there, in the prime of our lives, giving our all. Kids running around at our feet, fluently speaking several languages, even when we were struggling.

At the same time, I’ve always thought that Tim would make a phenomonal police officer. His character is perfect for the job, perfectly grounded yet capable of compassion. His life experience leads him towards it. I’ve been able to picture him doing it for years, and it feels a bit like a far off dream. The thought that by the end of next year he could be working in the police force feels a bit surreal. That’s not what he wants to do though. He is intent on finishing this degree.

It just feels like there are so many ways we could be turning right now. And there is something within me that wants to be going right or left. My unquenchable thirst for change maybe. It’s been a while since I moved. Yet I feel that right now, at this time, we need to be staying on the straight and narrow. Plodding along with what we are doing. Studying, being parents, giving these young people somewhere to meet with God on a Saturday night. That’s our call for right now.

It’s not exotic. It’s not that exciting and it’s not that much of an adventure. But if it is where God wants us right now, then this is where we will stay. We will be content in all things.